Be Kind but Be Honest

The title of this post is a statement I read not too long ago on one of those motivational posts on Facebook. I actually glean bits of wisdom from those on occasion and this statement has been nagging at me. Can you be both kind AND honest? The question, "does my butt look big in these jeans?" comes to mind. You probably can't always be both kind and honest when answering that question. 

In our line of work, I find Rob to be critical at times when it comes to musicians. If they ask him how they sound, he's usually pretty honest. Sometimes brutally honest.  And not always what I would consider kind. But sometimes they really benefit from his "constructive criticism" so who am I to say that he shouldn't tell them the truth. I am much more likely to say, "it sounded great!" even when I don't mean it. Is that really helpful? It makes them feel good, for sure, but do they benefit from it?

I like to think that I'm honest in my relationships but I tend to shy away from the hard stuff when it comes to conflict. I'm better at just getting over it than I am at being honest about something that might have hurt me in some way. Although I do appreciate when someone lets me know that I hurt them so I can make amends. I think maybe my way causes more problems in the long run than the straight forward honesty when it's needed. 

I've been putting this into practice lately with an important relationship in my life. Sometimes my new found honesty causes pain and grief and I can't help but think it wouldn't have been so painful if I could have said how I felt from the get go instead of "being careful". 

I guess just like most things, this statement has gray areas. I choose to be kind but I need to practice honestly stating how I feel. Maybe that's a better way to put it ...